"I have this hope as an anchor for my soul. Through every storm, I will hold to you." ("Anchor," Hillsong)

I think all of my posts, with the exception of maybe 2 or 3, have started with a verse from the bible. It's usually a verse that fits what I am going thru at the time.  This post starts with powerful words from a song we heard at church that has griped my heart.  It completely encompasses where our family is right now.

This July, we moved back to Arizona.  It has been an overwhelmingly challenging transition.  While we were so so excited to come home, we have been shocked at how challenging its been for us to be back.  I've been avoiding positing because of how challenging.  There were so many family and friends praying for our return that is scary to share how hard its been.  I know they may not understand it, and are probably frustrated by it.  We barely understand it ourselves because we expected it to be different.  But, it's the truth.  I miss being home with the kids more then I can put into words, and am honestly still deciding on whether or not moving back was worth the sacrifice of not being home with them.  A full time job and all of Gracie's medical stuff is just too much right now.  I miss Landry being at Nampa Christian, miss being in a house we loved with tons of grass, and can not believe how much I miss the weather!  I'm a native Arizonan, so to be so emotionally connected to the weather has been completely unexpected.  However.....I LOVE LOVE LOVE being close to my mom and around my family again!  I love that Gracie is getting school with my mom, its such a special thing for them.  I love that the holidays are here and we are back.  I love being back in our church and with our church family.  I am so excited to see old friends and that we've made some new ones.  So, even though its hard right now, and a struggle....there are things I love about being back as well.

The kids are doing great.  There are things they miss too.  Gracie keeps asking for our old house, and both her and Landry ask for Nampa Christian.  They are in a time of transition as well.  Landry has had an amazing couple of months.  At the end of October he was baptized (yay!), and had football going on.  We all made some new friends during football, and that has been awesome!  Gracie has school with grandma 2 days a week (such a lucky girl), and then goes to public school 3 days a week. She is loving both, and doing so well!  Robert has been working on getting out of the education field, and is working on getting a part time job (along with his FT teaching), to help us out financially.  He is going to be taking some real estate classes and becoming a real estate agent as well, and we are excited to see where that takes him.  We are hoping, down the road, that can take the place of his full time job.  We are just waiting to see where God takes him with all of this.

Gracie is unstoppable, as usual.  She is getting tired quickly and does not like walking long distances. She is asking us to carry her and saying her legs are tired quicker then usual, but she has a ton of metal in her leg, and her ankle is causing problems.  Don't think that means she's slow though!  This girl is still making me chase her all around the house!

Gracie was due for her next set of x-rays in November.  After sending those in to Dr. Standard, he decided it was time to take the plates out.  Gracie will have her 9th surgery January 15th.  She is actually happy about it.  According to her prayer list at my mom's house, she has been praying for a chance to go back and see Dr. Standard and stay at the HP House.  She's been asking for them both for about a month now. LOL!  This crazy girl misses them, even though she only sees them for surgeries!  It is a true testament of how amazing Dr. Standard and his entire team are.  Of how amazing the nurses and anesthesiologists are, and of how amazing Amy and the staff at the HP house are!  We are blessed beyond measure to be able to take her there, and seeing her happy to go back, knowing what it means....says it all!

We are still having some serious issues with her foot, and are hoping the screw that is currently in her ankle will help.  It is the "slow," but less invasive way to try and correct the issue.  That being said, I do have a feeling once Dr. Standard sees, in person, how much of an issue its become, he will want to suggest a corrective surgery sooner then later.  We will just take that as it comes.  I'm getting relatively good at being flexible.  :-)  Gracie is showing some soreness and tiredness that is not typical, and is concerning...but we are playing the ankle issues by ear for now.  As it stands, this should be a 4-5 day trip, with hopefully nothing more then an overnight stay, if any in the hospital.  Plate removals are usually outpatient, but Gracie has never had 3 removed at once.  (2 smaller 8-plates, and 1 larger plate on the tibia).  I'm not quite sure what to expect as far as pain/recovery goes.  On a more positive note, I am completely looking forward to the possibility of meeting up with some other FH families who are in the area, and some who may be at the hospital while we are there.  We are like our own little family and community on Facebook, and any chance we get to see each other in person is such a blessing to me!

We are going to try and put another t-shirt/sweatshirt order in soon.  There may also be some other fundraisers coming, so please keep an eye out for both updates on facebook (See Gracie Run)!  Please be praying for this surgery trip, and our family in the following areas:

-safety (there was a US travel advisory alert)

-finances and blessed fundraising

-health for Gracie leading up to/during and after the surgery

-health for me (I've been on antibiotics 4x in the last 4 months)

-that we can take the slow route on her ankle and do not need to add that surgery onto January's to correct the issue immediately

-for Miracle Flights to approve our flight application

-for blessings and provisions in Robert finding a better full time job, and in getting a part time job that works with trying to get into real estate

Thank you so much for your prayers.  Please let me know how I can be praying for you.  We love to return the prayers back because they are such a blessing to us!

This song, the words just mean so much to me right now.  We truly are holding on to hope. I pray this song is a reminder to you that God is always there.  We can trust in Him and hold onto Him.  (Part of the song is listed below)

Anchor (Hillsong)

I have this hope

As an Anchor for my soul

Through every storm I will hold to You

With endless love

All my fear is swept away

In everything

I will trust in you

There is a hope in the promise of the cross

You gave everything to save the world you love

And this hope is an anchor for my soul

Our God will stand

Unshakable

Your word unfailing

Your promise unshaken

All my hope is in you

fun times getting away to the family cabin

Lala and Papa took us to Legoland and the ocean for Landry and Gracie's bday.  She LOVED the sand!

This girl is NOT afraid of some dirt!

Or some makeup! LOL!

She loves being back with her doggies!

Our boy is getting so big!!

Landry loved doing football again.  This kid is an athlete!

Gracie and I waiting for the big boys to ride some rides.

I love how much they love each other!

First day of public preschool

This is an accurate range of emotions when it comes to buying shoes.  Gracie is now 3 sizes apart and its NOT easy.

OUR BOY GOT BAPTIZED!!!!!

Thanksgiving fun with cousins!

Her right foot FINALLY reaches, so guess who learned how to ride a bike!?!?!?!?!

Time please slow down....she's getting so big!

Already decorated for the holidays.  Our favorite time of year!

These are the plates being removed from Gracie in January.  The screw in her ankle will stay.  (As of now).

"For with God, nothing shall be impossible." Luke 1:37

It has been far too long since I updated everyone on Gracie.  To my defense, (lol), we did have a major surgery, out of state move, new rental, new schools and new job to work around.  I am finding I have quite a bit less time then I used to, so while I have a free moment, I wanted to get this done.  I have also been avoiding it a bit because all these things at once has been quite overwhelming for my family and I just really haven't wanted to talk about it. 

But, its time.  Gracie had her surgery in June.  Everything went fairly smoothly.  There were some other issues we were concerned about, and once we had the chance to address them with Dr. Standard, he felt they warranted surgical attention as well.  This was no surprise, and they just added them into the surgery they had already planned.  All in all, Gracie ended up getting the Tibial Derotational Osteotomy, a huge plate to hold the osteotomy together, another 8 plate put into her upper tibia by her knee, a screw in her ankle to help stabilize it, the screw from the tendon transfer cut and shaved down, and her ankle bone contoured with grooves created to hold her ligaments.  We had our favorite anesthesiologist (Dr. Pepple), and you could definitely tell the difference.  She came out of anesthesia amazingly well.  The epidural was perfectly placed and she really did so good in recovery.  We actually had her in the play room either later that night or first thing the next morning. She went to the play room a couple times, and did fairly well changing from the epidural/IV meds to oral medication.  We did have some rough moments, where she was crying telling me how much it hurt, and one really rough night, but honestly, she did amazing. There was some adjusting that needed to be made on her medication, which made a huge difference in managing the pain, and then we were released on the 3rd day to go to the HP House.  

Typically Gracie recovers pretty quickly from her surgeries.  This surgery however, was the most invasive/complicated surgery she has had since her initial super-ankle done at 18 months.  This was a very traumatic surgery for her body, and recovery really showed that.  Her age and level of understanding has also changed how she recovers.  She had a lot of fear and anticipation of pain, which held her back.  Before she didn't know any better to "anticipate pain," and she would go until she was sore, then stop.  This time around she didn't go at all.  It took her 4 weeks to walk, and that was only because she was so excited to see her cousins.  It was 4 weeks of carrying her or strolling her everywhere we went.  Four weeks of watching our daughter figure out and learn how to walk again.

When she had her external fixator, it only took her 3 weeks.  This time around, recovery was probably the biggest hurdle.  The meds to help her her bowel movements made her puke every time she took them, and she really struggled with the oxy and baclofen (valium-like).  We did get her weaned off the meds fairly quickly and it worked well for her, which was so nice!  The long leg cast, (from crotch to toes) was such a pain!!!  That is now off, and she is walking around well.  She does have some range of motion and flex issues from the surgery and the cast, but once she is cleared for PT, I imagine that will be our focus.  We are a bit concerned because we are seeing her walk on the side of her foot again (which was the reason for the screw), but we have contacted her surgeon and are waiting to hear what they suggest for that.  (Videos and pictures were sent so they could get a good look/idea at what we were seeing).  

For me personally, I noticed that this surgery was much more emotionally difficult then the others have been.  Pretty much on the same scale as her first.  They are all hard, but I really struggled with this one.  Post surgery though, I am happy to say, I am finding routines that work good for me as her care giver and that helped me through some of the post surgical hurdles.  We are just enjoying our time with no surgery, no restrictions and no cast right now.  I have noticed that both Gracie and I are getting better at not hanging on to surgery as a lifestyle and moving right into our "surgery free enjoyment time."  Its hard to explain, but after surgery, there is an emotional lull where you just feel like this is never going to stop.  Even when she's running around, happy, I would look at her and think, "oh, but we have more to go."  Which is true, but not productive to enjoying whatever time off we have.  Once the next surgery was schedule I would start the entire process of being so heartbroken for her again.  Even months before the surgery.  I would watch her on the playground, recovered, and playing and think about how horrible the next month was going to be for her.  Missing the blessing of watching my baby girl playing happily.  Its a strange cycle, that has taken me a while to recognize, but this time around, I noticed it, and have done so well to bask in how good she is doing right now.  No worries about future surgeries.  (Well, a little concerned about what we're starting to see, but overall much much better at just enjoying our free time for her to be a typical 3 year old).

The move itself, has taken a toll on all of us.  The kids have adjusted very well and seem to be doing good.  Landry loves his new school, (I love his teacher), and is doing really well.  We are getting ready to sign him back up for football and basketball again, which he is really excited about.  Gracie was not ready for school because she was not potty trained, so she is being home schooled by my mother.  My mom is doing an amazing job and Gracie has already learned so much...along with being probably 95-98% potty trained!!!  Its so so nice to see some improvement in that area.  I have started working full time, which is good.  Honestly though, it has been extremely challenging to manage what I did while home, on top of a full time job.  I know people everywhere do it daily, but I could truly take just Gracie's medical care (school related, speech, bills, insurance, docs updates, PT, xrays, follow ups, etc.), and have a full time job from that alone.  Figuring out how to squeeze that in to the 2 hours I have before I have to get the kids fed and to bed after work, and the 4:30am wake up I have to get Landry to school and me to work....has presented a challenge.  I am doing great with work, but I miss being home and taking care of the house, cleaning, cooking and handling Gracie's medical stuff.  I'm old fashioned that way I guess, but if I had a choice, THAT is what I would do.  For now, I'm praying for God to give me extra hours in the day, and a way to still get these things that MUST be handled, done.  One way that will happen is having my mom take Gracie for her next set of x-rays.  I totally trust my mom to be able to do this, she's gone with us before, and Phx Children's Hospital is amazing at it.....but it truly just breaks my heart to not be able to take my baby girl and do this.  I don't want anyone else to be her caregiver.  That's my role and its strange to hand parts of it over.  Gracie is also getting ready to try out a dance class (to see if she's interested in taking dance lessons), and I will miss that.  (But I am super excited to hear how it goes).  These are things I have been blessed to be able to do, and now I'm missing.  I'm really struggling with that.  But, very blessed to have my mom near by to help.

Robert has started his new job and is adjusting to the feelings and emotions that come with all this change.  I really think that having major surgery, an out of state move, new home, new schools and new jobs was just too too much for all of us.  We are slowly settling in, adjusting to our new life, and are super excited to be back around some family, friends and our church...but its still a lot of change.  That being said, there is a lot that feels impossible right now.  Finances feel impossible, struggles with Gracie's IEP process feel impossible, new concerns on her foot, balancing my new role, Robert balancing his new roles....it all feels impossible.  Its just too much right now.  So I am holding tight to this verse.  I know and trust with full faith that because we are in this life WITH GOD, nothing....NOTHING is impossible.  I hope you are able to focus on that this week and let it give you a little reprieve of freedom from your own struggles.  We can do anything, we can overcome anything, and we can survive anything WITH GOD!

Prayer Requests:

~prayers that Gracie's xrays look good and we get good news from Dr. S on her ankle

~prayers that we continue to settle in and adjust well to our new roles/lifestyle here in AZ

~prayers that I can adjust to the AZ climate again.  (seems crazy, I know, but I am desperately missing Idaho weather)

~prayers that Gracie's IEP can be developed with HER best needs in mind

~prayers that our finances would improve as we work to pay off some debt and balance our huge stack of continuing medical bills

~prayers that I can find a disability lawyer to help me get Gracie approved for disability so we can get her medicaid.  (its the only way we can get her on medicaid).

~prayers that God would provide a new home for us, that we would be able to own or rent that is in a better area by the time our lease is up.  (we prefer to own).

~prayers for confirmation of an idea I finally got for writing a book (everyone has been telling me I need to write a book, and I could never figure out what to write, but I finally have an idea...just wanting confirmation its from God).

I truly believing that praying for others is something we are all called to do.  Even with everything going on, I have such a heart to pray for others.  Please let me know if there is any way we can be praying for you.  I can be reached here on the blog, or on facebook at See Gracie Run.  Thank you for your prayers for our family....they move mountains for us and we appreciate them so much!    

She was so happy Grandma was there!

Seriously, a pre-op PRO!

Our traditional "happy juice in full effect photo!"

Recovery/Post-OP

There are no words for how much I love this girl!

Distraction can be great medicine!

My bionic baby girl's leg!

For those who find this intriguing...if you zoom in you can see where they cut thru each bone!

She looks happy, but it was HELL getting her in the pool.  Once in she realized it wouldn't hurt and relaxed a bit.  For about 5 minutes.  LOL!

Recovery is hard work!

Preschool at grandmas, but I still HAD to take this picture.  She was so excited and is so ready to learn!

It's amazing to see her leg this straight and her foot this straight. 

Getting her to drink after surgery is so much easier when we make a game of it!

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." (Romans 12:12).

Originally I had started another post and got sidetracked before I got to finish it. Then yesterday I was driving in the car and felt like God wanted me to see things differently and take this another direction. I heard the song,"Blessings," by Laura Story. I've heard it before, but it resonated differently with me yesterday. It opened my eyes to so many of the blessings that have come from so much struggle, so many trials, and such deep heartache over the last few years. So instead of just telling you the craziness of our life with planning an out of state move, major surgery for Gracie, selling our home and new jobs...from MY eyes....I'm going to try and share it from Gods perspective. (Or at least my small understanding of His perspective). 

So here goes...

Being sad over a move is a blessing because it means I made connections here, and that my family was blessed here. 

Being happy to go home is a blessing because it means we get to be closer to our church, AZ family, friends and doctors who know our circumstances. 

Being sad about our house selling is a blessing because it means we had a home, that was ours. It also means we don't have to carry down a mortgage from another state. It was a blessing to us and can now be a blessing to someone else.

Being sad that we can't buy right now because our finances have been overwhelmed by our life this last 3 years, is a blessing, because it means we understand the joys of owning a home, of providing for a medically complex child, and providing for our amazing boy. It means we can focus on our finances a bit more right now. 

Being emotional and struggling to say good bye to co-workers, families, and kids at work is a blessing because it means I cared for people. I bonded with these kids and I was blessed to be at a school where prayer was expected, not avoided. It also means both of our children were blessed to be in that same environment. 

Being overwhelmed with Gracie's surgery is a blessing for so many reasons. It means we have a living child to love and care and worry for. We can hold her and cuddle and discipline and teach. She's healthy and that's a blessing. It means we have enough provision to have the needed surgery, and it means we are able to go to the most amazing surgical team for her care. 

Being sad that Gracie will spend her 3rd summer in a cast is a blessing because it means we're making progress on her leg. 

Being consumed with fear and worry that we are ruining her, is a blessing because it forces me to focus on God and allow Him to take control. It helps me to realize how spirited, energetic and mostly un-phased she is by all of this. It is a blessing because it makes me see her strength above everything else, and it's a precious little window into the woman God has created her to be. It means I'm a mom, and that's one of the biggest blessings EVER!

So today, with all my fear, worry, sadness, concern, happiness, and joy.....I WILL choose to, "be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." (Romans 12:12). I will also choose to see my blessings, and not my fear and worry. I will choose to focus on how amazing my life really is, not how sad, scared or overwhelmed I am. I will choose God over my circumstances. 

I'm writing a blog post on the most amazing little girl, while hiding from my incredible 6 year old at a birthday party he wanted me to drop him off at, with my wonderful husband at home with Gracie playing.  My tummy is full and so is my heart. Choosing to feel blessed isn't always as hard as we make it!  

Praying you choose the blessings in your life today as well. Give God the rest, His shoulders are big enough to carry that load for you! 

Here is a link to the song I was talking about earlier. http://youtu.be/WvgzjNb_X3Q

(Gracie's surgery is coming up in about a week. We leave for Baltimore on June 7th and get back the 13th.  This is a big one so please be praying it goes smoothly, she stays healthy, wisdom for her surgeon, no complications and as easy of a recovery as possible. As always please check in on See Gracie Run on Facebook for current updates during surgery).

Thank you!

God Bless~The Peterson's

Mother's Day

Looking at herself in the mirror-she loves the mirror. :)

"Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in Him." (Psalms 62:5)

Hope is a strange thing.  There are so many things I hope for, but only one person I put my hope IN. Life can cause me to question what I've hoped for, based on circumstances that occur, but I must never question who I put my hope in.  We have a journey ahead of us that is constantly changing.  If I can't place my hope in God, I don't know how I will make it thru everything with any strength left for my family.

I'm going to talk about Landry first tonight.  I sometimes worry or get caught up in "mom's guilt," because he often gets lost in all the Fibular Hemimelia of our lives.  He is an amazing boy and I am so grateful God chose us to be his parents.  Landry just finished up his first season of basketball, which he loved, and is having his first football game this Friday.  I absolutely LOVE watching him play sports.  He has so much fun, and is actually pretty good.  Its just a blast!

Gracie is growing, a ton.  Both physically and mentally.  She is starting to play with the kids at work more, and is even taking on some of their habits.  She tells me I'm cheating when she doesn't get her way.  LOL!

We had been hoping physical therapy would alleviate the need for an invasive surgery for Gracie.  After finding out what our insurance would cover, and what our costs for PT would be, we had to put it off while we applied for a grant.  The grant application has been turned in.  Now we are just waiting for the board to review and hopefully approve it.  In the meantime, Gracie's in-toeing has gotten worse.  Some days it's a little better then the videos below, other days she's actually hurting.  Its a weird off and on type thing, with more off, then on.  (If that makes sense).  She also developed bursitis over the area of the latest plate, which hasn't helped any.  Luckily a regimen of Motrin has helped the inflammation and it seems to be doing better.

Since her foot has only worsened, Dr. Standard felt that it has gone too far for PT to be helpful, and needs to be surgically corrected now.  (This was a surgery she was always going to need, we were just hoping to put it off for a while and give her body a rest).  So...when she has her current plate removed in June, they will place another plate in her femur to try and correct the knock knee that keeps coming back, and will also be doing a Tibial Derotational Osteotomy.  Basically, they will cut her tibia bone in half, rotate it in the proper direction, and then plate and screw it back together.  She will need to be casted after this, which means this will be her 3rd summer in a cast.  :(    Since this surgery is so invasive, they will use an epidural instead of a block, and Gracie will be in-patient for a couple of days.  Between travel, pre-op, surgery, and in-patient, we expect to be in Baltimore for at least a week.  We will need to return to Baltimore for a post surgical follow-up and cast removal 6 weeks later, and then again for another surgery to remove the plates 8 months after that.

When the unexpected happens it can cause quite a shock to how we handle and process everything.  This did just that, and it has taken me a week just to feel comfortable enough to update her blog.  We were really hoping to put this off a little longer.  There have been a lot of things hoped for that haven't gone our way lately.  But we still have hope.  Maybe now is the time I should focus on the beginning of this scripture...."Let all that I am wait quietly before God."  I don't "wait quietly" well.  Lol.  I like to organize and plan things so I feel like I have some control over what's going on.  Waiting is a challenge for me, but waiting before the Lord is just what I need to do.  Waiting, with my focus on God, provider of my needs, my dreams, my wishes and hearts desires.

So, while we plan for surgery, we hope and wait for provision.  While we plan for rehab, we hope and wait for a fresh anointing of strength and health over our baby girl.  While we plan for what our lives will look like the rest of this, and next year, we hope and wait quietly for God to move our many many mountains.

I pray that you have peace and confidence knowing you can put your hope in God.  That he wants the best for you!  "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord.  Plans to do good, not evil.  Plans to give you a hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)

Prayer Requests:
~ Provision for Gracie's surgery, and favor in fundraising
~ If the derotational osteotomy part of surgery can be put off longer once they see her in person, let it be
~ For God's will in our lives and our desires
~ For our entire family, as what happens to Gracie, also happens to mom/dad, brother, grandma/grandpa, Lala/Papa, etc.. It is hard on more then just us
~ For a smooth and complication free surgery and recovery

***One last side note.  With the help of my amazing mother and best friend Jenn...we are now on gofundme and twitter!  The link for Gracie's gofundme account will be available on the top right hand side of the blog next to the PayPal link.  It is http://www.gofundme.com/seegracierun2.  You can also find us on twitter @SeeGracieRun.  Please help us spread the word about our incredible baby girl and share this information!!!***

Thank you, and God Bless!
~The Peterson's

April is Limb Length Descrpency and Fibular Hemimelia Awareness Month

Tickle Fights with grandma

We were blessed to be able to provide a Sunshine Box for another family going thru some rough times.

Gracie was praying over our snack in front of all the kids at work!  So COOL!!!

"No chance at all," Jesus said, "if you think you can pull it off by yourself. Every chance in the world if you trust God to do it." (Luke 18:27)

****WARNING, some pictures are graphic****

Two years ago today Gracie had her first surgery.  She had the Super-Ankle procedure done.  It was her first time in an external fixator, the first time we handed our baby over to be cut open, the first of many scars, and the first time not being able to make it better for her.  It was also the second time we watched her learn to crawl, and the second time we watched her learn to walk.  It was when we learned as parents to really put our trust in God, and when we learned what God made our little girl of.  Gumption and Grace.

Since then, Gracie has had a total of 7 surgeries, with numbers 8, and possibly 9 to come this year.  She is incredible.  She is feisty.  She is a warrior.  She is everything God knew she would NEED to be.

Gracie has amazed us with her determination and resilience.  It's truly an honor to be her mother.  Today, she is sore from some current complications, (bursitis), but this is not typical for her.  Typical is making us chase her down for things, running and tackling with her brother, climbing anything she thinks she can, and amazing us all!

This journey is long, hard, heartbreaking, challenging, and stretching.  When there are complications, it is devastating; but when she's accomplished something she shouldn't be able to do, or couldn't do before...it is worth it!  It is so, so worth it!  Thank you for sharing in these last two years with us.  For your prayers, good thoughts, encouragement, and love.

With God, ALL things are possible!
The Peterson's

right before surgery

nothing beats daddy's arms

first time standing post op, took over a week

Learning to walk

That ugly fixator looks beautiful when it matches! :-)

First time seeing brother in almost 3 weeks after her first surgery.