The Lord Gave:
It has been a crazy couple of months. So much has been going on, that its honestly hard to believe it's only February. Its even harder to believe that we leave in 2 weeks for Baltimore, and Gracie's surgery. First, I want to share our blessings. We found out that we were approved for our application for assistance with our flights to and from Baltimore. This is HUGE!!! Robert, Gracie and I all have our seats covered for our first round trip flight, and I was told I could continue to apply EVERY TIME we had to fly out there. My hope and prayer is that we are approved every time, but I am just really grateful for this time. Three round trip tickets from Arizona to the east coast is outrageous and this is an enormous savings for us. We were also blessed with the provision for a Pre-Surgery family fun trip! Robert and I decided if God would provide, we would love to take our family (mostly for our son), to Disneyland. Landry is 4, and the perfect age, plus we really just wanted to make something fun and not about Gracie, or surgery or the time we have to spend away from him. God came thru with the provision for the trip in a way that did not take from our budget or Gracie's account and we set it up in secret. We woke Landry up at 3:30am the morning we were leaving. I had wrapped a present (Mickey outfit) for him. He opened it and we told him we were leaving for Disneyland right then. (I already had them packed and the car was ready to go). He was shocked to say the least and I can not even begin to tell you how special this was for our family. For the last year, almost everything we've done has revolved around the surgery, the recovery, the money, the fear, etc....this trip was busy and non stop, but so relaxing. We arrived at our hotel around 1pm, and quickly unpacked and headed straight to the park. About 2 hours into our first day, I asked Landry what his favorite part was so far, and he said, "Everything. I love all of it mom, even the stuff we just walked by." In just a couple hours, my hopes of allowing Landry to be his own person, not the brother of Gracie, and to be the center of attention and just have fun....was fulfilled. I could not have been happier. Gracie enjoyed the park as well and went on some rides. We definitely exhausted that girl....she fell asleep in her stroller every day and she hasn't done that since she was a baby! We also got to see some family and meet some new family and it was just an amazing time.
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| Gracie was saying, "Minnieeeeee" |
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| Gracie loved the bus ride! |
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| Spiderman was webbing me! |
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| One of my favorite pictures! |
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| She actually fell asleep like this! |
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| We wore him out too! |
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| "I love everything mom, even the stuff we just walked by!" |
The Lord has Taken Away:
Sunday while we were in Disneyland I got a call from my mother that my grandmother was not going to make it thru the day. There was not enough time for our family to get home before she passed, and so we decided to stay and make memories for our babies. It is still one of the hardest decisions. Those who know me, know that my grandmother and I were incredibly close. I have been helping my mom care for her since I was 16. For at least the last ten years my mother and I were her legal guardians. For the last four years, I have been her personal caregiver. She was my grandmother who I cared for, and my job. My entire life we have had a special bond. It only grew deeper the more I cared for her and stronger the longer caring for her was from my choice and my career. Not being there when she passed, when I have been there for everything else is so difficult. I know she was surrounded by people who loved her and cared for her just as much as me, and was holding my brother's hand when she passed....but I am struggling with the fact that I wasn't there. I know she was so happy for us to go to Disney. When I left work the Thursday before, I kissed her and said "I'll see you on Tuesday, we're headed to Disney!" She got the biggest grin on her face and told me she was so happy we could go and that she loved us and wanted us to have fun. I will never forget that moment.
Having her pass so close to leaving for Gracie's surgery is hard. I know that God has healed her and she is no longer in pain, but I miss her dearly. My kids miss her too. She would always play football and hide and seek with Landry, and Miss Gracie, oh man...those two were two peas in a pod. They were inseparable. I will have to remind Gracie one day of how much they loved each other. Please be praying for us, as I lost my grandma and therefore my job in the same day. While not working is much more conducive to taking care of what's needed for the surgery, and Gracie when we return....we do not have the means for it. We need prayers for peace, strength for now and our near future events, and provision....supernatural provision.
Shortly after hearing my grandmother had died, God placed the song "Blessed Be Your Name," by Chris Tomlin, in my heart. It really seems to fit where we are in life right now, and I hope it finds a special place in your heart too. God Bless!
You can hear the whole song here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZI6585ekuhg
But this is what stuck in my head....
Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name
You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will CHOOSE to say, Lord
Blessed be Your name
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| Loved when grandma gave me rides on her walker! |
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| My inseparable girls! |
