Normally I start each posting with a bible verse that helps me to keep my focus on God and gain strength from His word. Today however, I have a message that God gave me, and I feel like it needs no verses, it spoke to me and it's really being pressed on my heart that it will speak to others.
Today is our last day in Arizona. Tomorrow we start the new "normal" of our lives, and things change. They may go back to an altered state of what they were, but our whole family will be forever changed by the events of the next month. As soon as my eyes opened I wanted to puke. I feel more weighed down and overwhelmed today then I probably have in the last year. I've felt it coming on, but wasn't quite expecting the physical response that I felt this morning. That being said, God is soooo good. Not only did He calm my stomach rather quickly, but He brought to memory a vision He had given me a couple days ago. I thought at the time I should share it, but I got busy and forgot. This morning, the pull to share it was so strong that I'm the only one awake right now....while everyone else sleeps in, God got me out of bed to make sure others heard this message as well. So, I pray that wherever you are in your circumstances today, this touches you and strengthens you like it did me.
In the vision God gave me, I was walking in this dark tunnel. I was all alone, and the strength it took to lift my leg to take each step was overwhelming. As I looked down to see why I could barely walk, I noticed a thick tar like substance on the ground. The tar was making it difficult to move, its purpose was to wear me out so I just stood still. I stopped for a minute and looked around me. The tunnel was dark, and I was enclosed or surrounded by it. I started struggling to walk forward again and all the things that I am juggling right now were running through my mind like a movie. I do not want to leave for Baltimore tomorrow, I want Gracie healed here, I don't want to spend my 6th anniversary with my husband today, saying good-bye to our son. I don't want to leave my son for 2 weeks, I don't want to hold my baby girl as they put her to sleep and then hand her off to a surgeon I trust, but who will be cutting her perfectly beautiful leg open, twisting and breaking it, and adding new parts. I don't want her to have a cage on her leg and mostly, I don't want her to feel a single ounce of pain. I don't want to think about how I just lost my job, or about how much my whole heart hurts and longs for my grandma. Even writing these thoughts down has me in tears. But this was where God wanted me in this vision, because this is where He showed me His mercy. Suddenly I walk to a point where another tunnel opens above me. There are stairs there, so I am able to climb out. As long as I can get my feet out of the tar....as long as I want to work even harder to climb out. God showed me that it would have been easier to stand there. In the dark, thinking and mulling over what has happened and is happening so far in this very short start to 2013. He wanted me to move, to keep focused, and to make progress. To do that, I had to climb. So, I took a step, and it was hard. When I went to take my second step, I thought I was going to fall. My legs were too weak from walking in the tar. Instantly God was right underneath me. Helping me up by pushing my butt up the stairs, one step at a time. (Sorry, but God and I have a real relationship, and he doesn't always just give me a pep talk...sometimes He just pushes me up by my backside and says get on with it)! While He was helping me up these steps, I was focused on Him. On the strength I was getting from Him....I was not focused on all that today or tomorrow or next week brings.
That is where my vision ended, but my feelings of anxiety were suddenly replaced with peace. Instead of thinking about what was coming, I was thinking about the cards I've gotten in the mail this week from friends giving us encouragement. I was thinking about the care packages that the women's ministry at our church brought for my babies and me. I was thinking about my brother who is dog sitting for us when he doesn't really want to, and friends who are pitching in to help out while we're gone. I was thinking about our parents who have supported us like we could not even imagine during this time, and I was thinking about our church family...who has supported us beyond measure. There aren't even words for the love, support and strength we have gained from them. From ALL of these people that God has surrounded us with and placed in our lives. Suddenly, I wasn't so weighed down anymore.
This morning, when I woke up and felt sick...and God quickly calmed my stomach....He did it with just a quick flash of that vision. The part of Him pushing my butt up the stairs. We are definitely not alone in this. He is with us, and He has blessed us with a community of loved ones pushing our butts up the stairs. I still hate what's coming, but I know we can get through it. I know we aren't alone.
I really feel like this vision was for me...but not just me. I feel that someone else is supposed to hear these words and gain strength from them....and know that you are not alone in your tunnel. That God is right underneath you, lifting (or in my case pushing) you out. I pray that you hear God's voice and feel His presence as you read this.
One last little plug...if you live in Arizona, our church (Life Link Church) is having probably one of the best sermon series I've ever heard and it just started!!! We will be listening online from Baltimore, but they have a 9am and 11am service if you're interested. It's all about "Still Standing When It Seems Impossible." The first sermon is available online at
www.lifelinkchurch.com. It was about learning to be a person that bounces back from life's circumstances, and what it takes to be that person.
Thank you for your prayers, for your love and for your generosity over this last year as we've prepared for what comes tomorrow. Gracie's surgery is on Wednesday and I will be posting real time updates on her facebook group. (Search "See Gracie Run" and join). I will be posting on the blog as well, but more of a summation then immediate prayer needs and updates. We have never felt more surrounded by friends, family and love and there are no words to express how much it means to us. Please know that one day, we will pay these blessings forward!
I've been told a lot lately how strong I am, and while I agree and appreciate it, (lol-it takes a lot of strength to go thru this), its really my baby girl who is so strong. I look at her and she's what I see when I think of strength. She has a metal cage surgically attached to her leg and drilled into her bones. It takes away her ability to crawl and walk, and all she wants to do is play. Not wallow or cry or whine but play and giggle and have fun. She is my hero! How can I spend too much time crying about this when she's not???
I've been told a lot lately how strong I am, and while I agree and appreciate it, (lol-it takes a lot of strength to go thru this), its really my baby girl who is so strong. I look at her and she's what I see when I think of strength. She has a metal cage surgically attached to her leg and drilled into her bones. It takes away her ability to crawl and walk, and all she wants to do is play. Not wallow or cry or whine but play and giggle and have fun. She is my hero! How can I spend too much time crying about this when she's not???
