Formed By God: June 2014

Gracie's surgery was June 4th. It went very well. She did not need the 8-plate put in her tibia, so she just had the plate removed from her femur and the tendon transfer. Dr. Standard said her leg looked nice and straight. This was all good news! We did have some hiccups....her block didn't get in that "sweet spot," so she came out of anesthesia in a lot of pain. We've never had that happen before, and it was hard to watch her hurting so quickly. The recovery nurse gave her something, but by the time we got upstairs to her room she needed more pain meds.

I was so glad my mom was with me, because Gracie didn't want me anywhere but touching her. In fact, I had to actually be IN the bed with her. I say had, but there's no where else I would have rather been. Except maybe a bathroom break every once in a while. Mom was amazing handing me stuff, organizing, distracting and just loving on us. Gracie did really well once we got her on a schedule with her pain meds, and we got decent sleep that night. The next morning was very rough. Probably the hardest time pain wise since her first, major surgery. Gracie was inconsolable and couldn't sit still. The dose of oxy didn't touch her pain, and there was nothing I could do to calm her, so I had mom call the nurse. I was going to ask for more meds in her IV. When a new nurse came in and checked her IV, she found that it had slipped out and was filling her hand with fluids. This was what was causing the pain. It was sooooo hard to watch her hurting so badly. Thankfully the pain went away quickly after taking her IV out.

Recovery was a little harder then we anticipated, but typical for the tendon transfer surgery. Gracie didn't walk for about a week. It was hard to see, but when we got home and she saw her brother running around she started standing, taking steps, and then off she went!!!! We are now a little over 3 weeks post surgery. She gets sore and achy, but is not in pain and moving around great! We go back to Baltimore July 20 to get Gracie's cast removal done, and follow-up on the progress of the tendon placement. We should hear more about what's next then, but it sounds like they will make the cast removable for a while, then an AFO, then free foot!!! I'm guessing it will be about 8-10 months at minimum before her foot is totally free of any devices again, but it should be structurally much much better. As long as we don't need any plates put back in, and her growth stays steady....we may have some surgery free time coming. I'm excited, but trying not to get my hopes up because the last 2 surgeries and 3 procedures were "unplanned." Either way-we will have 2 more trips to Baltimore this year and at least one yearly after until her lengthening. So we still have to stay on top of our fundraising.

During Gracie's surgery, we talked to a member of Dr. Standards team about the process they use, allowing parents to take their child into the OR, and be the last face they see before going under. I actually get to ride in the bed with her, place her on the OR table, and hold the mask over her face. I get to sing to her, rub on her face and tell her how much I love her as she's going under. It's beyond difficult, and an enormous blessing all at the same time. We talked about how some parents just can't handle doing that. It's really hard, but I couldn't imagine not taking her back. That being said, I've realized how much strength it actually takes to admit that's something you can't do and trust someone else to do it for you. No judgement either way, both are heartbreaking for parents. This journey is not easy-no matter what you have the strength for or not. It's so hard on a parents heart to watch your baby hurt or struggle. I've heard a lot this time around about how strong I must be to handle all of this. While it feels good to hear people think I'm handling this well, I do need to say without God, I wouldn't be doing anywhere near as well as I am. When we don't think we can be strong-God gives us strength. I believe part of being strong is letting go and being emotional. I usually fall apart weeks BEFORE surgery. The pre-surgery anxiety and stress overwhelms me. But at surgery time, I'm cool, calm and collected. Gracie needs that from me. She needs me to be there for her and put my feelings aside. Being able to do that is strength. Waiting until your baby is in the OR, and THEN breaking down crying is strength. Not crying doesn't make you strong-being able to set your feelings aside to care for your child does. I was grateful to have my mom with me, where I could have my moments of release when Gracie was asleep or playing....but be calm enough when she was awake to hold her when she was hurting. I couldn't do this without God blessing me with His strength and filling me with His peace. (Having an amazing support system in my husband and our families is a huge help too)! So just in case anyone wonders how I do this, how I survive this and handle it all....it's a lot of strength and peace from God, the smile on my baby girls face, the way she reaches for me when she needs comfort, the arms of my husband holding me, the listening ears of my mom as I break on the phone or in front of her, my parents, and my in-laws, who drop everything to take care of Landry so he's not forgotten in this process, and friends, strangers and loved ones who pray for us constantly. Without these things-I'd be a wreck. That is where MY strength comes from.

Lastly, I'd like to send a very special thank you to our Vineyard Community Church family in AZ!!!! Your fundraising efforts for Gracie's fund gave us EXACTLY what we needed to get to and from Baltimore for this surgery, and get her a waterproof cover for her cast so she can still swim this summer!!!!! Our hearts are so grateful and we appreciate you all so much!!!! We pray God blesses you for bring such a blessing to us.

Prayer Requests: that Gracie's soreness would be minimal and therapy and recovery would go smoothly, that God would provide finances for our remaining trips and orthotic braces, that we would finally be able to get medical Medicaid for Gracie (I'm applying a 3rd time), and that we can find small ways to pay it forward even now. As always, if you have any prayer requests, we would love to hold you up in prayer as well. Thank you so much for all you do for us!!!

God Bless,

The Peterson's